Brantwood

Journal, 2007: Everybody says they're in love with Ruskin. He was a sweetie, with the courage of his convictions and a dire mental illness. Why do the very good people so often have such painful private lives? Or they're unhappy in love or their chldren hate them or whatever. I wonder if depression has something to do with both goodness and a painful private life. We are only good if we have a keen sense of guilt? I don't believe that--in general I think happy people are more kind than unhappy people.

Maybe being good leads to an awareness of what needs to be different. If one is self-aware enough to be good and do good, and aware enough of others, perhaps then one is also aware of how limited one's own efforts are. As a person who is not often guilt-ridden and not especially good, but who is related to a lot of guilty, good people--I hope they're not doomed to a bitter old age.